I watched the stars get smaller , tiny diamonds in my memory.

I have been sitting and laying on the bed of paddy field every night just hoping to be able to remember the times we had when we were younger. Its so tough nowadays since the day you have left. Your shadow has been revolving me causing me to go frenzy all the time eventhough you have left since  your words always moves me deeply as you have been always a good supporter. I couldn't find any words to describe how much I didn't want  you to leave me for Japan but I couldn't put it in words because I didn't want you to sacrifice your future just for me.

Now once I look back , I feel happy and did not regret that you have put after your future. Why? I have always been questioned. I seldom questions myself too but there is no answer as I love you more than anything the world.

I have also now worked towards my future. We both have separate paths but still living happily in our long distance relationship. We can still survive in this because we believe in the things we believe , having faith in God that he has always been gracious and blessing us with a lot of things in various aspects. I have never sigh or mourn instead I give thanks.

Currently, looking back at all these things actually calms my heart since I am currently diagnosed with cancer. I don't know how long am I going to be alive but I am still going to thank god for every second that he is providing me with and also I am still alive , that is the most important thing. I left you at that very moment telling you once you just got back from Japan that I wanted to break up , I feared and teared. Its not because I am lying to you that I am in love with another man but its because I have to bear the pain of leaving someone that I love so much with not able to tell what happened to me. I just gave you a last hug and walked away. You asked me what happened, and the only thing I could tell you is that "I am sorry that  I have to leave you for another man." with no reason and hestitation, that was painful, a really painful one.

I cried everyday , every night hoping and wishing I could turn back time and this never did happen. But, I can't. I regreted but I have no choice because I didn't want you to be sad and think that I am a burden to you. I am happy seeing you have a good girl sharing the pain that you need to bare and fighting the battle of your challenges with you, I am happy. I did wish that could be me , but thinking and seeing all these that she had gone through with you , I am relieved and happy.

The only thing that I can still remember that you have told me when I have left you was this " I will wait for you no matter what , this ring that I have got with me will also wait for you and the thing that you need to do is just say "I do."
This was the thing that made me cried and remember upon now. Eventhough , you have married another woman and you have not found out about me living in heaven looking and taking care upon you , I am still happy and touched that you have made my heart fonder and still remember me by frequently dropping by my home sending me letters.

"I LOVE YOU. I watched the stars get smaller , tiny diamonds in my memory when I moved on. I do. "


The End.

Short story- Why did I fall for you?

Hey all, this story was written at a very gushing moment since the idea just came up.This is a very short story. The things aren't really in place but I hope you will get it still. 

       I have been always asking myself why did I fall for you? You are just an ordinary person that anybody out there can be actually better than you. But I seriously can't find out why by just questioning myself. I have actually tried questioning myself for the past one week when I know that you are going to get married to another girl just in another 2 weeks. I am still stuck here just because I want to get the best answer to please myself and tell myself to forget about you. Been there, done that but it didn't work.

      I just lay on my bed and looking back all the good memories that we had together while hugging onto the bear that you have given me just makes me feel that you are still by my side. Those are just dreams once I woke up from my nap when I was thinking back at the good old memories, they are all gone and can't be returned back to me but I will cherish them as you made my heart fonder at least once and made me felt worth it to you and to the world.

      I remember you telling me that you will be with me till my hair grows white and all my teeth fall off but you lied. You did not keep your promise but instead you have chosen a different path. I have been feeling terrible, holding my aching heart and questioning myself why didn't I tell you my feelings earlier? I can tell you now even though I know they will never ever reach you anymore. I have been growing feelings for you day and night since the day you first smiled at me and told me that you loved me more that anything. What are they now? They are just plainly words without actions. They are nothing, you lied.

      Looking back at the years that we were kids playing at the field together, makes me felt special and felt that I know you at the very moment that our eyes met. No matter what we do we just seemed to click so easily. Once I remember you asked me " Do you think we are weird? We are always hanging with each other but not other people?" I told you "No, its normal. Its normal that we are always being seen together." Now we are adults, you chose different path when you told me when we were young that we will see each other grow old together. 

      Today on the 3rd of July 2010 things will be different since its a special day for you.Why? Today you are going to stand infront of all your friends and relatives with a happy face , making a vow to God to the next person standing to you which it isn't me and seeing you blessed. How can I take that? This always happens and the questions of what if always comes " what if I didn't met you and fell for you?" " what if I was the person standing next to you?" By seeing you leave, all the existents of what if's just doesn't matter anymore.

      Anyhow, I am giving you all the blessings that I have and leaving you and cherishing all the best moments you have given me by not holding your hand and be by your side. The question of  "why did I fall for you" just doesn't mean anything to me at all now, at this moment. Why? because I can't take your hand and run away with you and turn back time.

      Eventhough you are faraway from me , just because of your eternal happiness I am willing to sacrifice my all for you however lonely it will make me and painful it can be. 

      "Bye Christopher, I 'm leaving. Heavenly Father, I 'm coming."

The End.

Short story - Crushed, I have no more respect.

 

      3 years ago, I was just having a great conversation with my form mate that our eyes met when he was sitting the table across me. We knew who each other was but we don't talk until that time. We were talking about all the things on earth that we could just laugh about. He was really a kind and funny guy that who can make me laugh all day just with his lame jokes. Before he left, he gave me his phone number and he asked for mine so that we could contact each other back for another conversation and be closer friends. I gave my number and took his, we then left the place and headed home.

      During the night, we messaged and he called me up. We were on the phone for hours chatting away. We have got more than 100 messages just in 2 hours. Then he asked me " Hey, wanna go on a date with me tomorrow?" At that time, I really didn't know what to say , my mind was totally blank like a white piece of paper. So I told him to hold on and I went on chat box with my best friend who gives me great advice which is Michelle. I asked her whether is it good idea to go out with him since he is the same class as she is. She told me why not , since he is a good guy a good one she reassured me by typing them in block letters. Therefore, I got on the phone again and answered him with a "YES!". He told me that he would come and walk with me to the station and we will take the train down to Rummage for a short shopping trip and we head off to the cinema down the street for a movie. At that time, I was so excited till the extend that I told him I got to leave since I needed to do something but in reality I just wanted to pick the best outfit and bag to look great just for him.

      We then hung up. I started my clothes hunting. I took out every single piece of clothing in my closet. Then , I tried different hair styles, make-up to suit it and to resolve my look I went out on a date with no make-up as I thought it would be good for me to look natural to tell him I am who I am and that's me. For my hair, I just ended up tying a normal ponytail with a ribbon hair tie. Before anything happens, I got on the chat box once again with Michelle and asked questions about him, so that I am all prepared for tomorrow's date. Without any further a do , I slept at 10:30PM to make sure I wouldn't wake up late the next morning and miss my date.

      Next morning, I woke up at eight in the morning when my date is at 12 noon. I woke up so early is just to get myself well prepared. At 12 noon on the dot, Christopher came to pick me up and thereafter we left and our day started just like that.

By around 2 in the afternoon we arrived at Rummage after a great lunch at DOME.

        He bought me and himself a ring and he told me " Roxanne, can you be my girlfriend?"

        I was blushing at that time, I couldn't say a thing so I just nodded. We just began our relationship just like that.

       We held hands and walk down the street to catch a movie in the cinema. Once the movie ended he took the train and send me home before he left.

      Once I reached home, he texted me " I had a lot of fun with you today. I hope you enjoyed it too. :D" That message made my heart melt so I texted back " Yes, I enjoyed it very much. :D" .

He called instead of messaging me asking whether do I want to head over to his house tomorrow after school. I told him okay and I asked him what for. He told me just come over he have a surprise for me. So then , I went to his house after school the next day.

      We reached his house at around 4 in the evening. Parents and sisters were on holiday and left him at home alone. He poured out 2 cups of orange juice and we sat in front of the sofa hugging each other and  talking.

He then suddenly held my hands and brought me up to his room and pushed me on the bed. We lay on the bed looking into each others eye without saying a word.

      I think twice before anything.Questions of what if kept popping out in my mind so I got up and wanted to leave but he grabbed my hand saying "its not going to hurt, its okay , trust me." I just believed him and I gave my first time to him.

      Now, the worst thing happened. The test cam back . All my positive thoughts just broken into pieces when I knew that he left. He change school , no letter , no phone call, no messages no nothing. At that very moment, I thought myself , what if I just said No.

      Now, I am holding a child at the age of 18. What would people think of me? They would think that I am a slut but they never knew what had happen to me at the age of 15. I got tricked into a relationship by a boy that I thought he was a good , smart and funny guy that was a form mate of mine.

      I walk on streets, going to college , after college rushing for work just to earn that penny to raise up my child that Christopher left behind. I now have no more respect by all the people out there but I am not dead or saddened by it its because I know that God is here with me and I have full support from my love ones.

The End.

Short story- I am sorry, my friend.

      Count today exactly2 years ago, I was left being difficult as I needed to make a tough yet painful decision within 24 hours.At that very moment of time, I was holding my aching heart while wiping off my tears that was flowing out from my eyes. I was questioning myself so hard why did all this even happening to me? My mind was totally filled with arguments with all of them popping out at once and I felt that the whole odds were against me.

      At half past 9, I walked out off my room holding on tightly to my phone and ran off to Amy's house and grabbed onto her tightly and didn't know what to do. She asked me why, I didn't answer but just plainly crying. Amy heard and saw, she didn't bother asking me why but just allowed me to cry and listened to what I had to bottled out.

"Roxanne, what happened?" Amy asked with full concern.
"Nothing, just needed someone to be here for me at this very moment."

      That night, I didn't return home and Amy was up the whole night being with me. My phone suddenly rang, screens showed up Michelle's name and thereafter Christopher's name. Once I saw I started to cry again as I didn't know what to do. I knew that Michelle was my closest friend and I am not suppose to do this to her but I seriously do love him and I can't control myself. Whichever decision I make will just hurt everyone of us and that is what I don't want to happen between us as we all love each other.

      Once I woke up, sun is already up and its time to due with this tough situation. I decided not to tell anyone my decision even Amy. I just left it unsaid and lugged my suitcase and walked to the train station, left.

         At the very moment before I stepped into the train , my phone rang again. It was Christopher.

"Hey, where are you now? I am at your house, knocked several times but no one picked up the door."
"Hey, I am sorry but its hard. Be with Michelle and forget about things that ever happened to us." I told him and off the line and hopped into the train.

      He then called again, I missed it on purpose. Tears started flowing out again as the memories that we had together kept flowing out in my mind. I just looked out the window and told myself all these memories will be cherished as he made my heart fonder but I can't do this to my best friend.

      A moment later, a messaged from him came in saying

"Roxanne, I am sorry for putting you up in this difficult situation. I didn't mean too. But seriously, I realised that I love you more than Michelle. I need to make that so clear as water. All these started happening since that time when me and her was having a problem you were there for me. I fell for you at that time."

I then replied in short text message.

"hey, its okay about that. Be with her, I can't do this to my best friend. She means a lot to me. I fell for you too, but seriously we have to stop. I am leaving."

He called again, I cried.

" where are you leaving to?"
"I am leaving to somewhere happier. No tough decisions needed and facing you all. All this makes it hard."
"I will be waiting for you till you come back as I want you to be my valentine."

I just hung up the call once again and couldn't careless anymore.

      2 years after , I was already living in Kyoto, Japan. No one found me, knew me until recent month dated on the 30th of June, Christopher brought Michelle along and we met at a park.

"Michelle and Roxanne I am sorry , I wish I could go back in time and made a whole new decision again but I can't so I am here to you both something eventhough this will hurt us all. I haven't been sleeping good for the past few days as I was thinking how should I say this. So please listen."
"Michelle, let's break up and be best friends. I am doing this cause I have fell for your best friend , Roxanne. I am so sorry, I have hurt you. Thanks for all those happy memories that you have given me." he held my hands.

Michelle teared up and said
 " I am okay, be happy guys. I am giving you all my blessings."

Roxanne ran off while Christopher was chasing after. He shouted
" Where are you going? You know I am doing with all I have, you know it! Why are you leaving?"

I ignored and stand in the middle of the junction and waited for the moment to come while saying
" Christopher, I love you and thanks for all the memories that you have given me. I am not worth for you. I am leaving. My heavenly father, I am coming......"

The End.